When a dream is all we have
and the dream is falling appart
The dreamer seeks to fly
By dreaming far and high
24/02/03
Believe in You
Believing in myself is not enough, i'm not strong enough.
And for the first time in my life i wish for a prayer to some power that will give rest to my soul,
But i can't let go, neither God nor Fate can have this precious treasure i have just found.
It breaks my heart and it takes the pieces with it, but i can't move, my warmth can't revive, just thaw
My earth shattering realization serves no one and accomplishes nothing besides spreading sensation through my numb hands.
Feeling used with my full consent, thinking it was me the one on top
So what's it gonna be? guilt or hurt
Does it even matter, what happened barely exists in your conciousness, but it echoes in mine
It echoes a passion unexpected, it screams of rage at not being heard...but deep down it weeps at the certainty that the opressor is a third in this triangle of dependence.
The almighty banner of Honesty seems useless in a battle of the blind
The words drip through my lips and evaporate with your feverish touch
Broken and parched i hold my sword
but i can't find neither friend nor foe
i lost you but i can still feel your blows
Believing in myself is not enough
This is not my war
My love and breath mean nothing
They hide behind the pillow with my tears
I can't see, hear or feel a higher power
But i still pray
I pray to whom I believe in
I believe in you
02/02/03
To the Neverpresent
Never present people and situations, colors that i`ll never see and faces i wont have to remember.
The pieces of the puzzle i cant find, and the reason why my genious only goes so far.
They never been here and never will, cus if they were, then the neverpresent would become and all my theory of partial existense would collapse.
So as long as there`s a flower i havent seen or a tear i havent tasted i dont have to take myself too seriously.
I can always claim ignorance, or sensible insanity and if i keep just a pace behind no one willl notice i found the side door.
So i`ve u have never been here before, beware cus u might be the missing shape and then everybody will have to call me Goddess!!!!!!
15/01/03
Choice
All much the same as yesterday
It comes ang goes in waves
This frustration, a thirst that can not be quenched
and my body keeps getting hotter
My breath steams and there`s nothing left
I cant see clear anymore,
when did everything become so complicated
What i should do has nothing to do with what i want
I`m as clear and fragile as crystal
I can`t cover my own need and shame
but still i try
Who do i turn to blame when it makes no difference?
It`s a cliff and i keep walking closer to the edge
Hoping the fall is just a mirror
but i scream and i hear the echo
This is not just a game
This blade can`t inflict half the pain i can
Its a relief to the agonizing certainty
to know i have the courage to fall down and come back
Severing this cord is not an option
For my heart would be betrayed
I choose this fire instead of the numbing ice i`ve lived
17/04/99
The spirit of the night is arriving, taking over his feared throne,
and as a king he plays with our dark side at will.
It is a game of compassion and pitiful desceit.
If you do not comprehend this senseless right, do not try, you wont.
There is nothing to feel, there is nothing to see if you are deaf to a shameful cry.
It is alright you will not die!
your ashes will rise and your breath will find its place.
But I'm sorry to say it wont be you the one to stay,
I have always been a thief, my arts will not be fair.
the wrath that fills you now wont help! it won't thaw.
Can't you see, I will not die!,
I will burn your hand or fill your sight, my path burns to ashes
, you will never be closer to the light, but who is there watching if you forget who you are.
19/04/99
When it is all gone,
when the profecy has been done,
I go back to my home, my place, go back to where, as always, I'm alone.
The songs are silent the flutes have left.
this is the test, me, unwilling to be failed, so I wait,
for this is not a joke, just a game, an irony from myself,
I the one to blame, the one to praise.
Forever alone, forever the sun, what a wish!
to become one with all as I came.
14/05/99
As a statue I stand,thinking it a fortunate trait,unknown disease that saves my life.With all I've seen i have become perfect. Hard and solid as a diamond, nothing can penetrate me...trapped in my own limited perfection!
31/05/99
The fresh changing wind whirls through her hair, unraveling the strings unwebbing the web.
My lady in her sleep knows me and in her knowledge seeks me to fill the void the morning left.
But I canot mend but my own parting,
and even so in the to and fro of the moon, I will remain with myself unbid to her calling.
I have said once and will remain in thought,
that in between the seconds my whole belongs to her, an eternity interrupted by the clock.
Separated by the same slayer who created my own moments of emptiness when the darkness vanishes to the dawn.
It is not but the vain truth that the grasping of the nightly shadows which I cherish as my soul,
is not to me entirely understood,
for my partings are as unbearable as yours, and that is why,
my lady, I say, those dreams are not yours.
16/08/2000
I take a step and I doubt it, then the rest goes wrong.
Only the adversity of distruction stops creativity, and I blame my own vulnerability against those whom I love.
My foolishness when believeing, my immaturity at denial.
In the end my empty hands try working with the shattered interpretation of their thoughtless words.
